Thursday, August 19, 2010

Old, New, Borrowed, and Jew

Have you ever had the pleasure of planning a wedding? How about being in one? Was there an open bar? Approximately how many times did you roll your eyes throughout the ceremony?

Our society has made weddings the equivalent of a very expensive circus. Flowers, dresses, food, cake, midgets. Do we really need all this crap to express our love and devotion in front of our friends, family, and legal system? Maybe Vegas has it right - wham, bam, you're married ma'am... oh, and you also have the clap.

My poor sister is getting married in less than a month. She's still trying to nail down the cake while I've been on a two week internet hunt for the perfect bling-y decorations for her peacock themed extravaganza. I think my mom is in a self induced coma over sticker shock and I've been invited to three bridal showers and a whole weekend of bachelorette festivities. Don't get me wrong, I know my sister is loving the attention and gifts, and none of this she planned, but why do we go to such lengths over one day?

What it comes down to is ME. And you. We go all out for other people's crap in the hopes that when our time comes, we'll get an entire year of ooh's,  aah's, parties, and bridezilla bitchiness.

So I'm taking a stand and giving my sister a gift that costs nothing but means a lot:

Something old - My constant sarcasm and mockery throughout this whole ordeal, including the wedding day.
Something new - A bump it. (Someone gave it to me but it won't work in my hair.)
Something borrowed - Remember that cute shirt I stole from you a few years ago? I'm giving it back.
Something Jew - My best friends, Nina and Kat (two of my all time favorite Jews - Sorry Barbara S!), are gonna be your little helper bitches at the wedding. Even though some of them are still bitter about not being bridesmaids...

CONGRATS Chris and Sarah!!! Can't wait for the big day! <3 <3 <3