Friday, October 30, 2009

You Know What I Hate?

These are some things that I hate:

1. I hate when you tell people you don't like a certain food and then they insist on force feeding you their version of it saying "Well, you've never had MY ______ !" No bitch, I fucking hate pineapple. Putting Old Bay seasoning on it actually makes it worse.

2. I hate when you are out with one of your girlfriends and two guys approach. Then they end up boxing you out to fight over your friend. What? Is that just me?

3. I hate my scar on my thumb. It's from this one time I was trying to open a dented can of ravioli and the can opener could only open it half way. So fattie here tries to pry the metal the rest of the way open and slices her finger. Probably should have gotten stitches. And yes, I ate that ravioli.

4. I hate when men drive. People are always saying Asians and women can't drive. Sure, they may be slow, but it's always a man that just comes right over in your lane assuming that his giant truck will just scare you out of the way. It's always an elderly man holding up the left lane. And dudes always hit on you while your driving, too. That shit is unsafe AND unwanted. Oh, yes, please let me stop going 70 mph on this freeway, pull over onto the shoulder and talk to you, man I've never met before!

5. I hate when, for example, you're going shopping for a friend who is a plus size. You find a store that is specifically for them - 1XL through 3XL - and you are finding lots of great stuff, draping them over your arm. You make your way to the back of the store in the middle of your own conversation with your shopping buddy when the chick that works there asks if you're ready to try on your clothes. Um...  no, I am not ready to try on this table cloth. No, madam, I cannot say I am ready to see if this flag will squeeze over my apparently enormous body. No, you fucking whore, I don't want to try on this tarp for a hover craft!

What? That's just happened to me?

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